Hey my fellow KVKL kickballers!  It’s my pleasure to cover the weekly rankings this year.  Nick Lerner is also working on some kind of format where we can all cast our rankings, similar to the AP Poll for college sports.  Below is a preseason ranking and preview of all 32 teams.  In parentheses is the team’s ranking at the end of the 2012 regular season, according to Mick Cottin.  A competitive lens is obviously used in looking at each team in this format, and we all know that there is much more to each of our teams than this.  With that, these rankings are my own concoction, do not reflect the opinion of the board, do not have bearing on regular season or tournament seeding, and are meant for entertainment purposes only.         

1. (9) Wildman—In their championship run, they found the consistency and defense to match the league’s most dangerous quartet of kickers (Simon, CJ, Richard, and Abby). Will they stay dominant throughout the season?
2. (1) Happy Shirt (formerly Pita Pit)—So glad to see the league’s most accomplished legacy team back. Added a former rival, Brazil, from way back in the playoff-games-at-South-Park-in-the-dark-days.  Vegas has them as best odds for yet another championship run. 
3. (2) Abraxas (formerly Barracudas)—A lot of roster changes since the 2011 championship, but Brad and Kris will always give this team “star” power.  Setting the bar higher with additions from Liberty Hall and Screamers, many wins is another certainty for them. 
4. (6) Das Boot—Back-to-back final four appearances and they’ve beat every team ahead of them in the past two years (plus LG).  Is this the year they take hold of the league?
5. (3) Love Garden Squids—Found their stride in the second half of last season before getting booted from the tourney early. Can the squids maintain their elite level of play?
6. (13) Red Lyon—They put down many o’ drinks each Sunday, but they also get up when big competition is on tap.  Nice additions last season with Brew Baller transplants, and several more upgrades this year.  Guessing they will fall throughout the year but this ranking is based on true talent and skill. 
7. (4) Chalmersiz—One of the top teams for the past 2 seasons, but for a team that struggled to score in close games, they could be taking a step back with the loss of their big boot Matt and solid starter Sydney.  Plus, long-time coach Candle Pants is stepping down as captain.  What will this team be like with Bronco and Soobs at the helm? 
8. (7) Los Matadores—One of the biggest surprises and most impressive captain feats last year as Santos had to completely rebuild.  For all intents and purposes, they beat Boot in their debut, went 3-0 against the 3’s, took Pita Pit to a 1 run game in the playoffs, and had an extra innings effort against a cast of all stars in the preseason tourney.  They seem like a building force here to stay.    
9. (12) Party!!—Another talented team that plays with high energy and passion.  Can they channel the emotions, get more out of their role players, and have more fun at their party?? 
10. (11) Reign of Terror (formerly Sacred Sword/Ligers) —Losing CJ, Simon, and Jacki was huge, but these guys have been together for a long time and know how to win strategically like only a handful of teams do.  I’m hoping the Sword find their way back out of the sheath, both on the field and across their uniforms (seriously guys, worst name ever). 
11. (5) Goats—Perhaps their best all-around season in 2012. Can’t overstate the impact of losing James and Kyle.  How will Sugarman Shaher and the rest of the goats fill the void?
12. (8) Hurtz Donut D-Holes—Beat Wildman, Screamers (forfeit), and Goats last year.  I hate ranking these guys so low, but I know they love playing the underdog as they welcome the return of their best player and seersucker-suited gentleman, Bickel.   
13. (27) Rockets—They were every prognosticators’ darling early last year, just to consistently disappoint throughout the season.  But they’ve added serious jet fuel with James and Kyle from the Goats.  Yes, that is a giant rocket in their pocket and, yes, they are very happy to see us all.    
14. (14) Slowride—They hung tough in a lot of games last season but couldn’t come up with the big wins like they did in 2011 (Chalmersiz and Red Lyon).  Not sure which direction their arrow is pointing.   
15. (15) MUrda (formerly Shaolin Shadowboxers)—a lot of holes on this team but they still have some great players who played in back-to-back championships (2006-2007).  Can they patch the holes to return to top form? 
16. (10) Screamers—They have missed out on the opportunity to improve against better rank-play foes because they can’t avoid the D-Holes, who they’ve lost to 3 years in a row (and, of course, they are in the same division again!).  Heard Swaggerty has moved and they’ve lost more talent to Abraxas.  Will we hear much from them this season?
17. (16) Corksuckers—One of the surprise teams of the 2012. Finished 3-0 in rank play, play good defense, and have a strong field commander in Ariel.  Big week 1 contest against Free State.  
18. (18) Free State Brewery—Less Awesome Champs!  Glad to see this longtime team still finding success by fielding many employees.  Is paid time off for kickball games asking too much? 
19. (19) Channel 6—This team doesn’t get much pub, even though they went 3-0 against the 6’s and made a deep run in the less awesome bracket.  A recently exiled Cougar says they’re a solid team that fields the most athletic corps of females in the league.  How will the spotlight treat them in week 1 against a disciplined Reign of...I can’t even say it…Sacred Sword team?
20. (25) Brew Ballers—Still recovering from losing some of their best players to Red Lyon. Had a nice run in the playoffs and made it to the Less Awesome Championship.  Do Adrian and Sam have them on the competitive upswing?
21. (21) Bullet Proof Tigers (formerly Gang Green)—They have a Bad News Bears self-image, and are perhaps better known for being an outspoken and passionate team.  An expansion team several years ago, this young and rough team looks to build on their experience.  Is this the year they develop into a more complete team?     
22. (22) Asteroid Head—After many accolades for their play in 2011, they veered off course and floated into the abyss.  Will they make noise again this year?  Well, besides Barrr, who I surmise could make noise from the farthest corners of the galaxy.       
23. (17) Liberty Hall—Lost to the Brew Ballers to end their tournament, but losing league hall of famer Deron “championship” Belt (moved) and Louis “LeDobbs James” (taking his talents to Abraxas) will be the losses felt much, much longer.  Can coach Cottin get the troops back in working order now that he isn’t distracted with all the blogging, ranking, and team buying?
24. (20) West Coast Saloon—This team’s gradual decline is being punctuated by the departure of their longtime captain, Sam.  But Vaughn and Richie, who were both part of the great Sun Creations/First Blood teams, have taken over and look rebuild. 
25. (23) Ghosts—Yet another team in the lower third that has fallen due to losing talented players.  Hard to replace the skills of Travis (Party!!) and Jack (Minneapolis Mashers).  But this is one of the rare teams that fields its own employees so there is hope that new blood can bring resurrection.    
26. (24) Dirty Mike & The Boyz—A cinderella team in 2011, they won the most hammered team award in 2012…and that’s about it.  They’re also losing Chase and Christian to Sacred Sword.  This is a far better team than their old Bad News Bagel days, but Ross and the young guns will have to pull it together to avoid a step back in that direction.      
27. (26) Balls Deep—Losing Simon then Richard and Breezie took the power out of this perennial upper middle tier team.  Are there any enhancements out there on the market?
28. (NR) The Rats—Competitive in the fall league, this is yet another marriage between the two leagues…wait, that’s like marrying your offspring or sibling.  I don’t like where this is going, but I do like where The Rats could be going throughout the season.  Though the learning curve in this league has proven to be a steep one, place your bets now for the over/under of finishing ranked 25 in Cougar’s RPI rankings.     
29. (28) Tellerdactlys—Ranked as high as 8^th just four seasons ago.  Now they’ve lost KVKL’s best hair and funny man, Jordan.  One of the advantages to being tied to a bar/restaurant is that there is always new blood to help avoid extinction through attrition.     
30. (29) Harper Valley PTA—One the league’s most beloved team, how did we get by so long without so many kids and cookie peace offerings!?!  And how come the Pirates team never had a cool pirate ship?  It’s refreshing to have another team that is playing just because it’s fun.     
31. (30) Jazzhaus—The league gained an upstanding character in Rick.  Seems they are in a very advantageous position to recruit some serious talent.  I even hear patrons can now opt out of their cover charge by passing a kickball skills challenge. 
32. (31) $p@c3pu$$y! (formerly same name, sans all the bling)—Probably the funnest team in the league, if there were such a word.  Their enthusiasm for all things kickball is infectious.  I think the whole team needs to further embrace their super hero destiny….this league could use more costumes and props, please!